Contrary to popular belief (and by ‘popular’ I mean ‘what the people who know me in real life think’) I am quite the emotional, waterproof mascara-clad girl.
The idea of my alleged stoicism runs so rampant among my friends that when I called a girlfriend this morning, (who was admitted to the hospital again yesterday), and simply left a ‘hey, I love you’ on her voicemail, I had to follow it up with ‘and since this expression of actual emotion has you thinking no way in hell is this Tiffany, I’ll clarify. This is Tiffany.’
The reason why I (sometimes) get away with not connecting on an emotional level with my friends is because I lived with these girls for 4 straight years of college and a couple of years afterward. They already know me from the inside out.
But on your website, you don’t have 4 plus years to connect with visitors.
You’ve got about 96 seconds.
Here’s an example of how I make copy connect.
One of my clients makes hand painted, wooden letters for nurseries and little kid’s rooms. She wanted an about page that had personality, and gave potential customers a special experience in her shop.
This is what she had originally.
“My name is Allison and I am a stay at home mom of two children. I started this company to contribute to the household income while enjoying my time with my family. The idea of designing letters for a living actually found me. I created my first set of letters for my daughter’s nursery. I wanted a focal point that incorporated the unique patterns of her bedding, curtains, and wall art into one. From the moment they were displayed in her room, I started receiving requests from family and friends to customize letters for their children. My attention to detail and fine craftsmanship spread quickly through word of mouth. I am happy to be a part of the Etsy community so that I can create a letter design that is perfect for you little one.
I look forward to creating a design for you!”
It’s fine—gives you the facts, but doesn’t provide the shopper with a) any real emotional connection or b) what’s in it for them. If they don’t connect, they don’t really care.
Before I started writing, I discussed with the client about tone, the target market, and what that market is concerned about right now. (Answers: happy, joyous, and empathetic/pregnant women decorating a nursery/making a perfect place for their little one to grow in.)
Here’s the new page I wrote for her.
“Combine the special details of your little one’s room into a timeless focal point with beautiful, hand painted letters.
I’m Allison, a mom of two cuddly kids whose nurseries I was so excited to decorate!
As a mom, you want your child’s room to feel charmed, unique—like each and every piece were made and selected with care. You want to watch them take their first sweet, sleepy breaths in the bedding you adored for months, and play dolls and trains on the perfectly soft and woven rug that you loved at first sight.
Custom painted letters tie all of your handpicked colors and patterns of your child’s room together. Each letter is solid wood, and adorned with whimsy and delight—a childlike zeal that livens the space.
Are you ready to see your vision realized?
Wonderful! I can’t wait to help.
Convo me and let’s finish your little one’s room together!
Pregnant moms see themselves in this copy. It has the ‘this is so me’ factor that makes your right people want to hang around (and shop!) at your online store or site.
Does your copy have the ‘this is so me’ factor? Need help finding out?
I’m adding another component to The Speed Date—you can chat with me for 20 minutes free about how I can help you and your business OR get a free 20 minute copy review on any piece of web content or copy you like.
You can sign up here, or, on the Free page.